Faith, Hope, & Love

Life, faith, surviving depression, Soulmates, relationships

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Needy vs. Lonely


To me being needy is a manifestation of deeper needs, neglect, a state of poverty of spirit, mental, emotional, and physical that is a yell for help. Take a closer look at those you think are needy, and I mean really take a good look. Are they single, far away from family, have they had great loss in their lives that they haven’t shared with anyone else. Do they need someone to help them grieve and get to a place where they can stand in renewed confidence?

I have been called “needy”. I have spent much of my life in the status of single, surrounded by very good friends, who have been married. I hide how jealous I am of the awesome treasure they have in their spouses. I sometimes wonder if they really know how precious that loyal, precious man is worth, to someone who has never had a secure marriage relationship. It is a void that I have tried to fill with great friendships, family, books, and God. It helps but it is an unfillable space that can only be filled by that special person who will be there in the middle of the night when you just need a touch to remind you that you are not alone. The person you can truly be transparent with and trust that they won’t leave when they find out you have bad habits or don’t agree with them on everything. Someone you can be sit with quietly and just enjoy their presence. Some think this is a manifestation of being “needy,” it’s not it is a manifestation of extreme loneliness, a void that needs to be filled.

My friend said that he thought “needy” means that a person does not believe that they can do by themselves. Expanding this thought is a sense of being bound by chains or powerless to achieve the things we desire to do.

I used to believe that to fulfill God’s call on my life; I needed to have a man to open the doors for ministry.  That ministry was a man’s world that would never be open to a woman, that the only place I could have is teaching Sunday School (children not adults), or church secretary. Life of service that had nothing to do with what I felt called to do. I do have a gift for administration, but not for working with children. I felt and still do that my call is for helping people through their questions about God, grief, lifting them up to a place of peace and joy in life. And help others to see past the outside to the heart of need and convince them to be part of the solution to heal our communities, and families.  What I lack is confidence to step out of my self-appointed comfort zone and take a step of faith to work out my call in the places God sends me.

Jesus said of himself when reading Isaiah “that he has come (been sent) to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who grieve in Zion (our world) to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair….” We (the church) are called to continue Jesus’ work in the world – have we truly? Some have but many ignore this for criticism, tradition, and narrow mindedness.

Jesus warned us, “At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.” (Matt. 24:10-13) Our world is broken and hurting we need to provide maybe the only love they will every really see and we are letting them down with all our selfish traditions, rules, and exclusive church clubs that don’t really meet the need that is only too clear on the evening news.

So, what is the purpose of writing this little mini soap box? My point is that every person we have called needy and tried to hide from – go find that poor soul and ask them to forgive you for your uncaring and find out why they are feeling needy or if they are lonely spend some quality fun time with them. Pray that God uses your gifts to continue His mandate of Love.